


no you dumb homo teen, your KISSING WRONG

by heartfeltdisease



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Kissing, Fluff, M/M, Tickling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-07
Updated: 2012-04-07
Packaged: 2017-11-03 05:38:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/377898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartfeltdisease/pseuds/heartfeltdisease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Dude,” John said. Dave felt like they had suddenly switched bodies - this was usually his line. “We are not watching Juno.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	no you dumb homo teen, your KISSING WRONG

**Author's Note:**

> Late late Valentine's present for my gurlfiend  
> May or may not be based off actual events, oops

“Dude,” John said. Dave felt like they had suddenly switched bodies - this was usually his line. “We are not watching Juno.”

“We are so watching Juno, shut up.” Dave replied, not even looking up from his laptop. It was harder to find streaming movies nowadays than it used to be. They just didn’t make piracy like they used to. “It’s got Ellen Page and she’s got it going on. That’s good enough for me. Besides, don’t you like pregnant chicks? You seem like the type to love pregnant chicks, you would totally sit there and rub their bellies, singing _‘let’s get it on...’_ ” 

“No, shut up. That is SO wrong, you’re wrong.” 

_bro, this date is shit, your shit_

_you are BLOWING it with this FOXY SLUNT_

It took every ounce of Dave’s being to not somehow start reenacting his shitty comic right there, and the only reason he did is to avoid implying that his and John’s bro party (a.k.a. girly-ass sleepover) was a date. Normally, he’d be all over that bromance thing, talking about their great date and if he wanted a bath, dinner, or him , it was like breathing to him. But, as the ironic feelings of his became decidedly less ironic, he decided to cut it out, if only to avoid awkward-ass boners. 

“Come on, John. I’ve watched your shitty movies enough. It’s about time you indulge me on something other than chocolate and brocuddles. I love that rad cacao and your body heat but damn, kid, sometimes a guy’s just gotta get his chickflick on, if Juno even counts as a chick flick, I think it’s got pretty universal themes, maybe, like that guy getting a girl knocked up. We all have to deal with that.” 

“You don’t,” John pointed out astutely, smirking in glee at Dave’s slight stiffening. 

“Too far.” 

“Besides, doesn’t he accept her and they get married or something? Doesn’t sound like your style at all.” 

“Well, I wouldn’t know, considering that I haven’t seen a girl’s special place OR the goddamn movie before. Hence why we’re going to watch it.” 

“Couldn’t we see a girl’s ‘special place’ much better on AbsentClothes?” He said innocently, like he hadn’t just suggested they watch porn together. 

“If they’re not Ellen Page I’m not buying. Watching. Whatever. Here’s a shitty video on some random Chinese site." Rest in peace, Megavideo. 

The movie was more jpeg than Sweet Bro’s face, which was a pretty large amount of artifacts, but it was watchable in a strange way. Dave plopped down on the bed, gesturing for John to join him. The video was even worse in full screen, but the two of them settled in to watch it anyway. 

That is, until John got the smart idea to tickle Dave. 

“I’m trying to watch the movie here,” he grumbled, trying his hardest not to laugh. 

“No. Tickle tickle tickle~” he said, almost sing-songingly. The movie lagged and wanted to buffer, stopping at a rather unattractive frame of the titular character barfing in a whatchamacallit - urn, was it? Dave frowned (read: gave a very small look of disapproval) for a moment before another tickling spell made him snort and giggle very uncharacteristically, nearly rolling off the bed. John pulled him back on just in time. 

"I didn't know you were so ticklish, Dave!” 

“Stop-” Giggle. “That-” Snort. “Right-” Laugh. “Now!” Guffaw. 

John finally stopped, if only because he was laughing even harder than Dave, filled to the brim with Prankster Spirit. “You’re so! TICKLISH!” 

“Yeah, we noticed,” Dave replied, cheeks burning in shame. This had to be rectified. This would not be tolerated. “Come on, let’s get back to Juno.” 

As soon as John turned back to Ellen Page’s puking visage, he was promptly attacked by one very vengeful Strider, who launched into full scale tickle mode with all the grace of a dolphin. Strifing, if nothing else, had taught him to sneak up and tickle his best bro with no shame at all. “Payback.” 

“HAHAHAHA, FUCK, DAVE!! DAVE NO, DAVE!! HAHAHAHAHAHA--” 

“Maybe you’ll think twice next time-” 

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-” 

“God you’re loud, I-” 

It was then he noticed how close their faces were, the details of his eyelids as they scrunched. It was so horrendously cute that he wanted to puke or kiss him or-- 

“Okay, that’s done,” he said, letting go and fidgeting with the buffering of Juno, his poker face falling back into place. That was too close, far too close. John tried to compose himself, shooting glares and pouts in his direction. 

“We’re even now,” John said, breathing still laboured. Dave nodded sternly. 

Honestly, at this point there was no point in watching the screen. He had no fucking idea what Ellen Page was doing. She was talking to some people, laying some places - his brain was not on this plucky teenager. It was off in Egbert-ville, trying not to notice how close they were, how cute his little chuckles were when something wacky happened, just how nice his hair was today, how adorable he was when he gnawed at his lip at the sad parts, trying not to let unmanly tears fill his eyes over a movie he hadn’t wanted to watch at first anyway... 

Dave leaned over slightly. “John,” he said, in a low husky voice. 

“Dave?” 

He promptly blew a raspberry into the inside of John’s elbow. 

“OH MY FUCKING GOD, DAVE!” He screamed, batting him off and cracking up. “Why would you DO that!!” 

“Just how high do you have to be to do something like that,” Dave quipped, the reference coming out as easy as.... something easy. He wasn’t even sure at this point, he just really wanted an excuse to touch him. He continued this by promptly attacking him with more tickles. 

“No, STOP!!” John cried between burst of laughter. Dave stopped to stare at him for a moment, poker face completely in place. He probably should stop. He probably should. 

He ran a finger slowly up John’s arm, savoring his look of confusion before going straight for the armpit, tickling him more. It totally wasn’t happening. 

“You’re the FUCKING WORST, HAHAHAHAHA, dude NO, WOW, I’m too ticklish, HAHAHAHAHA, you WIN--” 

He was close to his face again, looking him straight in the eye. Suddenly, he realized he was half on top of his best bro, and John’s face was lit up like a Christmas tree. 

“Um,” John sputtered, face growing deeper red by the second. Dave only barely registered that he wasn’t tickling him anymore. 

This was totally his chance. 

The thought set his heart pounding. How the fuck was he supposed to do this? Juno had stopped in the background. For all he knew, his laptop had caught on fire, or Rose had somehow hacked into the webcam and was taking screenshots for use in developing her wizard slash. He wasn’t even sure if he cared. 

He was going to do it. 

_Where making this happen_

Especially if he could get his brain to stop with the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff references. They were not helpful while trying to work up the nerve to kiss his best bro. He leaned in close to his face. 

Nope, nope, he was NOT doing this. He pulled back, trying to play it cool. John lay there, plastered to the bed in confusion and what he hoped was a positive nervous sweat. What if it wasn’t positive? What if he was just waiting for the gay to pass, John “not a homosexual” Egbert? 

God, if that was the case, he needed to get it out of the way, get the pain with. He leaned in again. _I am the gay, it is--_

A sharp pullback again. He did not want to be thinking of his terrible webcomic during his first kiss. Shaking his head to clear it, he looked John straight in the eyes. His glasses were fogged up from the closeness, and he kept glancing away nervously. He would just have to go for it. 

He leaned in again. _No you dumb homo tool your kissing wrong_

And back. Shake of the head. Back in. 

_Christ!_ Up. 

Down. _No look. FUCK!_

Up. Down. _IT’S NOT THAT HARD_

Up. Stare. Good lard. 

“Dave?” John finally asked, voice timid and small. “What are you doing?” 

Dave looked  to the side, letting out a heavy, long sigh. “What do you think I’m trying to do?” he finally said, and did it, pulling close to kiss him. It was awkward, and quickly moved to even more inept tongues, thrashing around with no sense of order. The combination of glasses and shades made the affair quite uncomfortable. Their teeth clicking quickly broke them apart, both as red as a tomato. 

There was a heavy as balls silence. Neither knew what to say, lingering in the moment of confusion and cheeto-flavored kisses. 

_“Jesus dick,”_ John breathed. 

Dave completely cracked at that, breaking down into horrible, snorting laughter, collapsing onto his bro’s chest in mirth. It wasn’t long before John joined him. They curled together in laughter, barely able to breathe from the hilarity of nervousness and bad kisses. They laughed and laughed until Bro knocked on the wall, yelling at them to stop their girl games so that he could get some fucking muppets in. Then, they laid quietly, staring at each other with cheek muscles burning from their smiles-- 

This looked like the start of something beautiful. 


End file.
